Trash Box: A Real Housewives Podcast

Salt Lake City Season 1 Extravaganza Retrospective (w/ Alessandra Vite & Erica Gellert)

The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Season 1 is dunzo, and we're honouring its ending with a very special podcast episode featuring comedians Alessandra Vite and Erica Gellert. 

The Salt Lake City Season 1 Extravaganza Retrospective™ has it all: a recap of the reunion finale, a Mary Cosby psychoanalysis, a heated discussion about the stigma of smell, a trivia quiz hosted by Emily (around 41:20 if you'd like to play along and easily trounce our contestants), Marshall's Housewives-themed Never Have I Ever, and lots of chaos and laughter. Thanks for listening fellow Housewives lovers! 

Follow Erica Gellert...
Twitter: @ericagellert
Instagram: @ericagellert
And her beautiful handwoven art: @goodenoughweaving

Follow Alessandra Vite...
Twitter: @althevite
Instagram: @alessandravite
Listen to her podcast "Shh, I'm Watching A Movie!"



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Bolo Unleashed

He's here... he's hung... he's... BOLO. Finally! We passionately discuss the much anticipated Atlanta sex party episode and the latest Jersey. For Salt Lake City coverage check back late Friday for our Reunion Part III/Season 1 retrospective/trivia extravaganza episode with guest comedians Erica Gellert and Alessandra Vite.

But back to Atlanta. It's allll about Bolo. And Bolo's penis. And Bolo's talents. And "Yes Mistress." And those Basic Instinct confessionals. And Kenya's machinations, which Marshall refers to as "devastating." Let the nieces fuck Bolo in peace, Auntie K! No one likes a slut-shaming sex narc.

Meanwhile, up New Jersey-way, Teresa Giudice continues to be a stupid person, Dolores might be in a throuple, and we learn more about the enigma that is Jennifer Aydin. Did this ep reach the glorious highs of last week's knockout fight? No. Were we entertained? Yes. We were.

Follow us on Twitter @thetrashboxpod and on Instagram @trashboxhousewives. Like, subscribe, leave a review on Apple podcasts, all that stuff. Thanks for listening! :-)

A Stupid Leg To Stand On

Emily and Marshall are back for the second new Trash Box of the week. And boy oh boy, are we excited to discuss both the New Jersey premiere and Salt Lake City reunion. These eps were brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, etc. etc. etc. Makin' Dallas look like an episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians.

We immediately dive into New Jersey and catch up on what the ladies have been doing during the pandemic. Hmmm, mostly plastic surgery, by the looks of it. Then Teresa kicks things into high gear by immediately spreading a rumour that Jackie's husband is cheating on her at the gym. Just how dumb is Tre? Just how smart is Jackie? Who does one stan? Spoiler alert: GOLDSCHNEIDER 4 LYFE. 

Over on Salt Lake it's Whitney/Heather, bad weather, tornado spin the truth, destroy *slam poetry snaps all around* This ep is one for the books: Mary's finally confronted about her cult/racism, Lisa and Heather are at each other's throats, and Meredith may or may not have been replaced by a cardboard cutout. It's a Real Housewives mystery!

Next week we'll have our regular ep coverage of Atlanta/Dallas/NJ, but ALSO a very special Salt Lake City first season retrospective/trivia contest/celebration with comedians Erica Gellert and Alessandra Vite. Don't miss it!

Follow us on Twitter @thetrashboxpod and on Instagram @trashboxhousewives. Like, subscribe, review, tell ya friends, enjoy!

Ten Women And A Baby

On the first of two new Trash Box eps this week we cover the latest Atlanta and Dallas. Tune in Friday morn for  our New Jersey and Salt Lake City coverage.

So! On this week’s Atlanta poor Kenya (the only mother to ever exist) takes bad hostessing to a brand new level. Like, even worse than Tiffany "Cricket Pizza" Moon. The ladies are sick of Kenya's bullshit, and so are we. But everything's forgiven the moment we set eyes on that spectacular PPE-clad stripper. Next week can't come soon enough! Then we take the bus to Dallas, where it's all basic bitch hijinks, eavesdropping, and Kary vs. D'Andra. Also, Emily somehow thinks Chris Cornell is the guy from Creed.

Follow us on Twitter @thetrashboxpod and on Instagram @trashboxhousewives. Like, subscribe, review on yer apps.

This Is A Bad Xerox, Babe

Time to analyze/judge/yack/laugh about this week in Housewives. We finally figured out why there was no new Atlanta this week; the SUPERBOWL! Who said this wasn't an investigative detective-type podcast?

On Part One of the Salt Lake City reunion, the ladies have gathered to dig up year-old beefs, present Andy with poorly photocopied printouts, and one-up each other's traumas. Winner: Heather. Loser: Lisa. Confused: Mary. Then it's over to the latest Dallas ep, which left a bad taste in both Marshall and Emily's mouths. Even worse than the secret cricket pizza. We discuss Brandi's sensitive stomach, how Kam keeps blowing her "gay icon" potential, and the etiquette (sigh) behind Tiffany's hostess text and that "no shoes in the house" rule.

Next week Atlanta returns (thank Satan [Kenya]), plus Dallas Goes To Austin, then Part Deux of the SLC reunion, and... holy shit; New Jersey premieres Wednesday night?! GOLDEN 👏 AGE 👏 OF 👏 TELEVISION 👏

Follow us on the Twitters @thetrashboxpod and on Instagram @trashboxhousewives. Subscribe, like, donate half your income to our church.

I Just Came To Drink And Dance

Sigh. These women. God bless these wonderful, wealthy, weirdo narcissists and all their bullshit. On Atlanta the Charleston trip finally kicks things into high gear. Fuck Auntie Kenya's organized fun, the Nieces just wanna drink and dance! Meanwhile, LaToya buys a wig and Drew autographs a headshot. Shady golf claps all around. Over on the finale of Salt Lake, we demand skeletons be released from closets (looking at you, everybody but Heather), and discuss Mary's actually scary cult. Then we get to Dallas, where the ladies got drunk, messy, and mean. But the real question is... who is the real Kary? And who is the real D'Andra? And, of course, who is the real Dr. Tiffany? JK, we know who she is: a STAAAAR. And a Sun. And a Moon.

Follow us on Twitter @thetrashboxpod and on Instagram @trashboxhousewives. Like, subscribe, review on the Apple Podcast app, and tune in next week!
 

The Bullshit Artist

Aaaand we're back! A day late and many dollars and brain cells short. On this week's episode, an exhausted Emily and sun-kissed Marshall discuss the latest offerings out of Salt Lake, Atlanta, and Dallas.

On SLC, the ladies take Vegas. And by "take Vegas" we mean they get raged at by Jen Shah and meet an immediately iconic hypnotist named Kimberly Friedmutter. Kimberly skips the hypnotism and instead opts for calling Jen on all her bullshit! A star is born. On Atlanta, bullshit artist Kenya and new girl LaToya join forces and vow to create chaos and do evils. Hmmm, how many episodes 'til the threesome? Finally, Dallas takes a tumble with the first meh episode of the season. On the plus side, in a Danielle Staub-style twist, we did learn D'Andra was engaged thirteen times. Mazel?

Follow us on Twitter @thetrashboxpod and on Instagram @trashboxhousewives. Like, subscribe, review, all that fun stuff. And thanks so much for listening!

Plane Full Of Mice

Marshall and Emily meld their minds once again (a la the two-headed monster that is Meredith/Lisa) to bring you a brand new episode of Trash Box! This week it's our usual fare: Dallas, then Salt Lake, then Atlanta.

On Dallas, Kam reminds us who she is (a stupid idiot), and our two-episode-long Kam-standom screeches to a halt. Meanwhile, Marshall can't stop ogling the topless bartenders (and...Travis Hollman?), Brandi gets points for prop comedy, and Kary, 50, gets violently hosed down by champagne. On Salt Lake City, it's more of Jen's anger issues, Mary's Grey Gardens confessionals, and Heather being awesome. And yay, Las Vegas! Finally, it's a meh episode of Atlanta that exists only to sets up what we've all been waiting for: the cast trip! Get your PPE ready, y'all, we're having a threesome in Charleston!

Follow us on the Twitters @thetrashboxpod and on Instagram @trashboxhousewives. Like, subscribe, review, tell everyone you've ever met!

Cheesecake, Chicken Feet, & I Will Drown You, Bitch!

Ahhhh. Velcome back. Vee are indeeeed living in zee golden age of television. This week we start by watching the New Jersey trailer. Together. During the podcast recording. It's a mess, and the only real takeaway is that Dolores Catania is a Trump supporter and we're in for a wild season.

Then it's time to check in with our lovely Georgia peaches on Atlanta. Kenya's concocted the weirdest surprise cover-up story ever and convinced Cynthia that she's meeting President Elect Joe Biden. Meanwhile, Todd is absolutely flummoxed by cheesecake. We head further south (errr, then West) to Dallas, where Kam continues to serve up weekly comedy gold, Tiffany serves up chicken feet, and Kary serves up annoying. Finally, Salt Lake City: Meredith and Lisa can hardly see the other women on their high, high horses. Mary can't leave her house cuz all her doors have been blocked by clothes. And Jen's anger issues are getting even more disturbing. And more entertaining. I WILL DROWN YOU, BITCH!!
xoxo Trash Box Girl

Follow us on the Twitters @thetrashboxpod and on Instagram @trashboxhousewives. Like, subscribe, review, believe in yourself!

 

Area 51 Makes GloFish, Jen Makes A Scene

Hello, hello, hello! Trash Box is proud to present 51 minutes of fluff you can use to briefly escape from the sick, sad world. Sigh. In this ep we discuss the latest Salt Lake and Atlanta. If you're looking for the Dallas premiere, check out Episode 11.

First up is Salt Lake City, and this shit’s an instant classic, all thanks to a shit-stirring/shit-faced Whitney. Congratulations, Mrs. Rose, we didn't know you had it in you! Meanwhile, Mary's not invited, Meredith's not engaging, and Jen is, errrr, not well. Then over to Atlanta, where Kenya puppeteers some plotlines, Kandi reminds us why we love her, and Porsha returns to the fold. The less said about Drew's shithead husband the better. Run, Drew, run!

Follow us on Twitter @thetrashboxpod and on Instagram @trashboxhousewives. Like, subscribe, review, all that stuff. Thanks for listening, and stay safe out there.

Here's Your One Chance, Fanci, Don't Let Me Down

Ahhh, the first Trash Box of 2021. Our only resolution was to get all caught up on Potomac Reunion Part III, Dallas’ premiere, and the latest Salt Lake City. And guess what? We did it. Back to sleep for the rest of the year!

First up is Dallas, which was a lot more entertaining than we thought it'd be. Mainly thanks to Kameron Westcott (whose comedy stylings finally put the "are women funny?" debate to bed once and for all) and newcomer Dr. Tiffany Moon (who addresses the racist ginger elephant in the room). By the time we get to Salt Lake City, Emily is inexplicably wine-drunk. But that doesn't stop her from leading a very serious discussion on addiction, marriage, and music copyright law. Finally, it's a farewell to Potomac, Monique, T'Challa, and a neeearly perfect fifth season (binder went MIA). Even diehard Gizelle stan Marshall Lorenzo is forced to admit the word on the street: she totally bombed the reunion. Two private bodyguards in one single season? Hey, ya gotta admire her dramantics (not a typo).

 

Thanks for listening, review, like, subscribe, and follow us on the socials: Instagram @trashboxhousewives & Twitter @thetrashboxpod

Thumb Master & Commandant: The Far Side of the Zaddy

Christmas is over and we've returned to lead a critical discussion on Potomac reunion Part II + last week's Atlanta and Salt Lake City eps. Marshall comes to you LIVE! (errr, pre-recorded/heavily edited) from a swanky quarantine hotel in New Zealand! Emily comes to you from her very messy bedroom in Toronto!

First up, Potomac. We discuss the anti-climactic conclusion to Monique's Binder vs. Gizelle and our own problematic history of defending both Ashley and Monique. Over in Atlanta, it's all about scumbag Ralph, new girl LaToya (a.k.a. Kenya 2.0), and snorefest 10/10/20. Then Salt Lake City: Heather wants to leave the church, Jen wants to be the SLC-LVP, Brooks Marks debuts his single tracksuit "collection", and Whitney talks about thumbs. 

Follow us on Twitter @thetrashboxpod and on Instagram @trashboxhousewives. 
Note: Our next episode will also be released a couple days later than usual cuz of holiday stuff, so until then: HAPPY 2021 and thanks for listening!

Get That Dick, Heather Gay!

This week we devote the entire episode to the lovely, loony ladies of Salt Lake City, Utah. If you're looking for coverage of the latest Potomac and Atlanta, please direct your eyeballs to the ep directly preceding this one, "The Bindering".

But back to our mostly Mormon mommas. We analyze Jen's rock hard tittays and mystery fortune, Heather's flirting skills, Whitney's sunny disposition, and Lisa's claim that she's the Queen of Sundance. Then, inspired by the pre-fashion show chaos at Casa del Meredith, we reminisce about our own traumatic overflowing toilet experiences. Learn to use a plunger, Brooks Marks! It'll change your damn life. And to the rest of you? Remember who you are, and return with honour.

Follow us on Twitter @thetrashboxpod and on Instagram @trashboxhousewives. Like, subscribe, review, all that fun stuff. And thanks so much for listening!

The Bindering

We just couldn't wait to talk about the Potomac reunion, so here's an early Trash Box (let's call it a Hanukkah present). And, heck, we thought we'd cover the latest Real Housewives of Atlanta while we're at it. But first, we must honour the recently departed Gigolo "Giggy" Vanderpump. Lisa's Vanderpump's dazzling Pomeranian prince passed away at the surprisingly young age of ten. TEN. 

Then... Potomac. An unsuspecting Gizelle is violently slaughtered, with the girls (even Robyn!) attacking her fashion and Monique proving Jamal is a cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater. What else could be in her binder of tit for tat colour-coded receipts? Over on Atlanta, we meet Drew (sweet girl, married to evil gaslighter) and LaToya (CAMERA READY). Cynthia, She of Plastic Plants & Grapes, hosts some kind of wine ladies night, and the episode descends into full-blown confusion and chaos. Nene who?

Stay tuned for our usual Salt Lake City episode at the end of the week...
Follow us on the socials: Instagram @trashboxhousewives & Twitter @thetrashboxpod

Michael Darby's Party Fouls

In this week's super-sized Trash Box, Emily and Marshall dive headfirst into all three new Housewives eps (OC is still dead to us, duh): the Potomac finale, Salt Lake City, and Atlanta's Season 13 premiere. We prattled on for so long our voices grew hoarser than Mary M. Cosby's after a particularly spirited sermon. 

First up is the shocking, explosive, near-perfect Potomac finale that had Marshall Tom Cruise-leaping onto his couch screaming "OH MY GOD!" We stupidly attempt to list every single one of Michael Darby's party fouls, and it's... a lot. Over in Salt Lake we discuss how Mary (much like Ashley Darby) made a deal with the Devil when she wed her grandhusband. Then there's Emily's new Instagram friendship with Lisa, the end of Meredith + Seth, and the return of Valter. Finally we head on down to Atlanta where some of the ladies have gained pandemic weight. Housewives! They're just like us. Meanwhile, Porsha is literally changing the world by fighting for Breonna Taylor and Black Lives Matter. It's amazing. Also amazing (in a very different way)? The preview for this upcoming season. A threesome with a PPE-wearing stripper? Bravo, bravo, fucking Bravo!

Follow us on the Twitters @thetrashboxpod and on Instagram @trashboxhousewives.

Strip Mall Wig Launch & Lunchtime Met Gala

After two Gossip Time specials, we're back for our regular (but still extremely exciting!) coverage. However, we must first discuss the new trailer for Real Housewives of Dallas Season 5. Welcome Dr. Tiffany Moon! Hope they smudged the place to get rid of LeeAnne's bad vibes.

After this week's Potomac episode, we have some questions... Is Karen genuinely that terrible at orchestrating drama? Why is Ashley's uncle named "Lump"?  And why OH WHY has this show's editing team not swept the Emmys? Then it's time to head (checks map of America) WEST to Salt Lake City, where Jenn's in rage mode, Lisa's somehow managed to melt our ice-cold hearts ("Can I touch?"), and Heather's hit her stride. And Mary? Mary's educating these ladies on the heat wave of 2003. 5,600 people died and it made the best grapes of all time. 

Next week we add Atlanta coverage to the mix. Follow us on Insta @trashboxhousewives and on Twitter @thetrashboxpod. 

An Emergency GOSSIP TIME: The December 2nd Avalanche

Two whole Gossip Time specials in just one week? We simply didn't have a choice! Yesterday, Wednesday, December 2nd, 2020 (Saint Britney Spears' 39th birthday), the world was hit with an avalanche of drama so powerful that both of us (OK, just Emily) were left physically shaken. First up — Erika Jayne and Tom Girardi allegedly using their divorce to embezzle funds meant for the family members of deceased plane crash victims. It's not her best look. Then we talk about Braunwyn Windham-Burke being the first housewife to come out as a lesbian. Congrats! After a brief stop in Kelly Dodds-ville (it's full of racists and COVID-deniers), we discuss Kyle, Kathy Hilton, and Dorit all testing positive for coronavirus. Then we circle back to shitting on Erika again, because, hey, eat the rich, amirite?

Our regular coverage of Potomac and Salt Lake City (plus the Dallas trailer) will drop shortly in a separate episode. Follow us on Instagram @trashboxhousewives and on Twitter at @thetrashboxpod. If you're lucky you could be our TENTH follower!

 

The Very First GOSSIP TIME Bonus Special

Sound the alarm, cuz it's officially GOSSIP TIME! On this very special episode of Trash Box, unabashed busybodies Emily and Marshall dish about all the current Housewives hearsay, including: is Ramona as broke as we are? What's up with Lisa Rinna's 19-year-old daughter and 37-year-old Scott Disick? Who is Patricia the Muskoka whore, and did she bang Harry Hamlin? Is Erika Jayne having an affair with Scooter Braun? And have you seen Margaret Josephs' brand new head transplant (read: facelift)? 

Come back later this week for our coverage of the latest Potomac and Salt Lake City eps, and follow us on Instagram @trashboxhousewives.

 

I’ll Marry My Grandfather, and I Don’t Need the Money! (w/ Tom Hearn)

This week features Trash Box's very first guest: our favourite ex-Pentecostal New Brunswicker, Tom Hearn! Comedian, writer, producer, and least importantly, friend. Tommy has a case of the 'PINIONS. And even though we may not support all his views (Erika Jayne as one of his top housewives?!), all three of us agree that Salt Lake City is shaping up to be an iconic franny™. But disturbing questions loom: is Whitney really a Trump supporter? Why do straight people insist on throwing parties at venues with secret entrances ("You want a surprise, go to a gay bar, and knock on the toilet door!")? Who exactly is Leticia, and why does Brooks think it’s her job to clean up the blender mess?

Then we head over to Potomac, where Emily rages out over the greyness of the Candiace/Monique fight and Marshall remains eerily fixated on Karen’s vibrating masturbation pillows. But it's the preview for next week's wig launch showdown that has us doing slut-for-drama chef's kisses.

Follow Tom Hearn...
Twitter: @tomhearn
Instagram: @isthattomhearn
& his Youtube channel.

And like us, subscribe to us, blah blah blah @trashboxhousewives

 

Gods & Church Monsters

What hath we mere mortals done to deserve Salt Lake City and Potomac airing at the same time? Thank you, Mormon Jesus. On this week’s episode, Marshall hath been blessed with a brand new microphone. He immediately uses his new gift to spread blasphemous tea re: Emily’s former favourite Salt Lake housewife, Whitney. Despite the ex-communicated maybe-swinger’s unfortunate political leanings (sigh), we remain firmly anti-Lisa. After all, evil is evil. Over on Potomacers Take Portugal, our beloved ladies toboggan into traffic, play pranks on the new girl, and plot to assassinate one of their own in a court of law. To quote the Bible, “I haaave the most beautiful tan clitoris.”

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